


N for Neverland

by pillow forts (pyrorocketeer)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Dimension Travel, F/M, Grief mention, More tags to be added, Past Character Death, Post-War, ambiguous hope?, bitter and angry characters :), its not all gloom and doom, smatterings of multisaku because im a trash-bin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7720051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrorocketeer/pseuds/pillow%20forts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Naruto told me you almost died!” Kushina tightened her hold on her.</p><p>Dead, Sakura corrected mentally. She felt like she had slithered into someone’s skin, someone’s life and all she had was a pathetic load of depressive parallels. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A for Apathy

**Author's Note:**

> So uh.  
> Hi.  
> Don't judge me too harshly bc I hate writing itasaku. BUt i love writing angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 16: What initially started out as an experiment in writing a wartorn!Itasaku ended up being so much more? It still is itasaku but its not romance-focused persay.

**A for Apathy.**

It starts something like this.

They say that the landscape reflects the devastating aftermath of a war. There were fresh patches of undergrowth, the smell of paper-bombs, weapons sticking out of trees, and rotting bodies. War was ugly. But, oh—Itachi thought—so needed in this cold, cruel world.

His world was dimly lit and his eyes were failing him. And He could just envision the kind old Suna-medic reprimand him for all the work he undid. 

He pulled out a stray senbon from the mesh of his sleeve.

It was done.

Madara was dead.

The grand orchestrator and his plans were dead, somewhere behind him, stabbed through the heart. He had seen to it personally.

Today, he thought. Today was a good day for his lungs to give out. 

And he could just imagine Shisui calling out to him.

“Itachi, you shouldn’t be so morbid all the time!”

He smirked.

“Itachi.” Shisui reprimanded him. “Please stop—”

“Stop.”  

He slung a senbon over his shoulder at the person. They twisted their head as the senbon sliced the bark. And perhaps, he was reminded of some good etiquette that he had learned when he was younger, he should greet his enemy politely.

He inclined a step in her direction. 

“Ah,” They began. It was a woman. “Uchiha Itachi.” She pronounced.

Who was this woman?

“Finally.”

“What do you want?”

“Your life.”

He half-smirked. “Then come and take it.”

“No.” She paused. “I want you to fight me. I want you to fight me and I’ll win, you pathetic sniveling weasel.”

He had no time for her frivolity and her foolish agendas against him. Really. But really, what did he have to lose?

“Very well.” He said. “I’ll fight you.”

It was also common etiquette to introduce yourself to the person you would be fighting. Criminal etiquette. Names were important. Even if he was the last, last damned Uchiha. He inclined his head.

“Uchiha Itachi.”

And then he heard the scuffle of her feet as she got into her stance.

“Sakura Haruno.”

“Teammate of Naruto Uzumaki, Sai and Sasuke Uchiha. Student of Hatake Kakashi and Tsunade Senju.” She mentioned. “Also the only living member of Team Seven.”

Her voice shook.

Itachi’s fingers shook as he reached for a spare weapon.

Madara Uchiha was dead and so were all his plans. And so was his little brother, and the best friend, and the surrogate brother and his replacement. Naruto Uzumaki was a better brother to Sasuke. 

“Pleasure to have this fight.” He breathed. 


	2. B for Better days have passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS POSTING SYSTEM IS HELLA CONFUSING

**B for Better days have passed.**

The thing is. You couldn’t control your life. People come and people leave.

“I’ve liked you since our first year in the academy.” He said. “I’m not in _love_ with you any more, because that would be cruel to say now. I’m not going to live very long.” He averted his eyes. “But can you hold my hand for a minute?”

So she did. She remembered the _thumps_ of his heart as she brought his calloused hands to her lips. He smiled.

“I’d hold your hand for eternity if you _lived_ , you _baka_.”

“Not me.” He said. “Not me, Sakura-chan.”

He was cruel anyways.

Kakashi was the one who found her in shambles in one of the medical camps. Kakashi wasn’t a comfortable person by any means. His hands were rough, scarred and always gloved. But he sat beside her, and providing his ministrations of comfort. She leaned heavily on him and cried.

He too was just numb.

“I just wish it had been better.” She sniffed. “Everything could have been better.”

If it wasn’t for this damn war, Naruto would have lived.

.

.

.

“Is this all the esteemed Godaime’s apprentice is capable of?”

She was on her haunches. He was standing.

Wasn’t he out of chakra yet? Sakura thought. The world around her was then painted in blurs of green and red and smashed landscape as she let her bloody fists fly. She got to her feet. But surely, _one of the great Uchihas_ had managed to surpass that particular limit.

What _utter_ bullshit.

She flew at him.

What started out as a fight of ninjutsu, of his _fire_ scorching the abused earth and her _earth_ rendering him ineffectual, ended up in a rather unfair taijutsu match of sorts where he dislocated her arm and she planted a _single_ chakra-infused blow to his rib-cage.

His eyes twitched as she smashed bone.

He dispersed into crows.

It didn’t matter, Sakura thought. All his genjutsu tricks were worthless against her. Itachi was wounded. He had cuts, nicks and a limp that Kakashi would have been _proud_ of. Tsunade was all about one single, hard blow. But Kakashi was all war-tactics, dances and elegance.

Itachi faltered in step as he remerged.

“Not so invincible, are you? _Itachi_ Uchiha.”

He was still moving. He drew out a kunai, she danced backwards.

That fucking roach.

“I have a question for… you.” He asked her. “Why?”

And she thought of a dead Kakashi, a dead Naruto, a dead Sai—and how she had buried all of them. One after the other. Tsunade couldn’t console her much apart from telling her not to stray away from the camps. Sasuke was the last one. She found his body among the casualties after escaping Neji, who was her assigned protection.

“Did you kill Sasuke?’ She called back.

“Maybe,” He drew out. “Is this _revenge_?” 

And in response, she reached for her collar neck and pulled down the tab to reveal her ninja-mesh shirt. Underneath the mesh was a tattoo.

Her fingers ghosted the tattoo and it glowed. Itachi’s eyes widened as he heard the clink of metal against the scabbard.

She pulled out Uchiha Sasuke’s beloved _Kusanagi._

“Then consider it _retribution_.”


	3. C for ‘Cause I fuck with myself more than anybody else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edits in progress

There was one thing that was clear.

Itachi decided that after Madara stabbed his little brother, he had no more ties with Konoha as the double-agent in Akatsuki. He had no more ties with the Akatsuki and he had no more ties with Jiraiya.

But one thing was clear, Sasuke Uchiha had died knowing the _truth_. 

Itachi collapsed one day due to the overwhelming amount of infection in his lungs.

But Kisame dragged him to a nearby town.

And that’s how Kisame was compromised to the Shinobi alliance. Itachi went into hiding for the next four years and he kept up communication with the leaf, disabling the Akatsuki and Tobi’s plans. It was a good thing they thought he was dead.

He never saw Kisame again.

It was safe to say that Kisame had been executed. And Itachi felt like a heavier man for that.

He shouldn’t have been given four more years—but that medic, that old, retired Suna medic in the village gave him her life force. Because she believed in him.

Through dim eyesight he watched the glint of Sasuke’s cold sword against the twilight. And he saw Sasuke waving the sword around, and this _girl,_ this nondescript girl waves it at him—like an insult to Sasuke’s memory. Itachi thought that this was some kind of sick joke.

And he got angry.

His eyes flashed red and it bled.

Through pooling blood from his eyes, the world cleared. She clenched Sasuke’s sword with two of her hands. She took a step back. _Amateur_ , he thought.

“That doesn’t belong to you.” He told her.

And then she looked at him. There were brimming, angry tears in her eyes.

“And neither did Sasuke’s life—” She screamed back. “—belong to _you! So shut the fuck up!_ ”

He knows that. Itachi saw the same nightmares he gave Sasuke. He conjured it out of his imagination, added a wisp of his guilt, his burden, the brunt of the weight of expectation of legally, and lawfully killing his family. What the hell does the woman know? 

She's just one of the people he tried to save. 

“Did you love him then?” He asked. “Did you know him well enough to love him with all his pain?”

She didn’t reply.

He didn’t have Orochimaru’s peaceful apathy to be the villain. He also didn’t have Hatake Kakashi’s emotional capability of being a shinobi. He was so _damn_ perfect though.

So he made the perfect villain for everyone else.

“What do you know?”

He knew that he  _loved_ his brother.

“What do you know _, Haruno Sakura?”_

“I know that he doesn’t love you.” She said bitterly. “Don’t fool yourself, _murderer_.”  

And in a flash, he was in front of her.

She moved then, her fingers ghosting past his muscles. His eyes widened as she paralyzed his muscles with the twitch of her chakra. She drove Kusanagi into his chest with frightening speed, past bone and sinew and tissue. And with his last, _shuddering_ breath he said angrily—

“ _Amaterasu_.”

And his eyes spun.

And the world erupted into black shimmering flames.

.

.

.

.

So she was dying.

This was it.

She’d been anticipating it the moment she got her head-band. And she swore she’d never give up because of Naruto.

And here she was, burning in Itachi’s flames—too tired to fight back. Her skin was regenerating with the application of her seal but she had no chakra left to regenerate her vitals. After all, she had used up all of her stored chakra during this bloody war. This is it. She thought.

She would see her team and Ino and her parents again.  

She drew out _Kusanagi_ from his chest as the flames encroached her body. And she covered it with it’s scabbard. And with that—Sakura drew it back into the seal of her body.  

Just this once—maybe if she had a chance to relive her life again—she would fall in love with the right guy. She would care for herself a little more. And finally, she closed her eyes, with one last bitter farewell.

She thought of Team Seven.

And she would never give _all_ of herself to anything.

The twilight sky charred into dark night.


	4. D for Damage control

**D for Damage control**

.

.

.

There was a slight tinkle of wind chimes in her _dreams_. But then dreams gave way to waking and she found herself on the cold, damp grass, staring up at the deep, deep blue skies above. Sakura assumed that this was what death felt like—breezy, cool and painful.

“…Sakura-chan?”

Wait? Painful?

“Am I dead?” She croaked. She could have heard that voice anywhere in her life. It was Naruto. He was looking at her with watery blue eyes. His fingers grazed her cheekbones. He was crying. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. 

“No, you’ve just—you _just_ sort of…”

She waited.

“…gotten hurt in the ambush—I tried to save you.”

This must have been heaven. Or her own personal hell—because _how the hell_ did Naruto look like he was unharmed, undead and definitely alive. She reached for his fingers. He let her. And she ran her hands over the bumps, the ridges and the veins that _definitely,_ definitely made the imposter, a real living Naruto. Too bad he would be gone. Because Naruto was dead—and no one could dare copy him. She wouldn't let them. 

“You were bleeding all over.” He said lifting a rag that was presumably drenched in her blood. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” She replied, running the release jutsu over and over and over in her head. But this wonderful genjutsu of Naruto didn’t seem to disappear. “I’m sorry…for making you worry.”

Her fingers then glowed as she ran it over her arms. He looked at her strangely.

“You…”

“Hmm?”

“You can heal yourself?”

She had developed a permanent jutsu specifically to allow her body to heal herself by circulating through her body in conscious or unconscious states. It was important for infected cuts. And it had been steadily reviving her from heavy internal damage, she realized.

And she was running low. 

“I mean that’s great! But since when?”

Also because imposter Naruto, if he had any brains, wouldn’t ask Sakura how she could heal. She was one of the best medics in all of the five nations. Her fame rose with the war. But what an idiot, did he forget already? She had learned healing because of him and team seven. 

“I’ve always known healing.”

His eyes sharpened. She should have been more cautious about her wording, Sakura realized groggily.

“Who are you?”

 She continued to manually roll her chakra over the bumps and bruises and wounds and the pathways, sealing the damage up slowly and contemplating an answer. Something was off about this body. It set off red alarms in her head. Something was not right and that something would get worse if she didn’t do something about it.

“I, Namikaze Naruto, demand that you tell me who you are!”

.

.

.

He woke up in the midst of a beeping hospital with surgeons surrounding his bedsides. There were cool beams of light overhead, blurred by the fog of his long lashes. He felt like there was a rush water of his ears. He blinked. 

Itachi couldn’t believe he was alive.

“He’s alive!”

“Uchiha-sama is alive!”

“The surgery was a success Nohara-sensei!”

“Yosh!” He heard a cheerful female voice. But it sounded tired. “He’s stabilized!”

.

.

.

On nights when they would sit together over a drink, mentor and student would talk. Tsunade spoke of her war experiences and that _one_ time she infiltrated a shinobi camp as a genin. It was honestly one of the most life-changing experiences, Tsunade told her.

When you were in a place where you didn’t recognize _,_ or know head or tail of what to say to your possible captors—say this:

“I’m sorry.” Sakura said. “I have mild amnesia. But I… _kind_ of remember you.” Touch was important. Shinobi didn’t touch lightly. So she touched his arm, faux confusion playing into her features because if anything, she could put out the  _best_ deer-caught-in-the-headlights look. And her vulnerability took this Naruto off guard. 

His sharpness didn’t leave his eyes. But they softened.

“I think you took a harder blow than I expected.” He said.

“Ah…”

“Well, we were just coming back from our mission—” He said, gesturing to the surroundings all around him. “Me and teme, and Obito-sensei.”

She stared at him. There was _no_ way in hell that this could have been a dream. Someone entered the clearing where she was sitting up. And she looked over his shoulder—at _Obito_ Uchiha. She stared. He was covered in blood-stains and was shortly followed by Sasuke.

Both of their eyes were alit in scorching crimson.

She thought of Itachi.

And then she thought of the burning, black flames of Amaterasu licking her—charring her body into ash. She remembered then.

The two of the most traitorous Uchiha she had known in her life were wearing the shiny, Konoha forehead protector tied back sleekly and neatly. It made her blood boil as she imagined the scratch over Sasuke’s headband.

“Sakura?” Naruto called her.

And the world went white again, filled with smoke, ash, burning and drowning thoughts of wars from another life as it surfaced up her throat. She leaned over to her side, pushed a long sheet of pink hair aside and threw up.


	5. E for Epithets for dreamers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's UCHISAKU week on tumblr! Oooh.  
> Apart from that, the reason why I haven't marked it as Itachi/Sakura is because I'm not sure how to write two bitter, angry people who reconcile with each other's issues and their issues with each other. It's coming though.  
> This will have a kind-of resolved ending so I got rid of the "tragedy" tag.

**present**

**.**

And he would have once dreamed of a world like this when the red-stains on his hands were fresh. Not anymore. Everything is better off gray. 

Nearly twenty hours after surgery, Itachi lays awake in his room and stares at his reflection in a small mirror. It’s cracked and probably belonged to a patient before him. Since then, he’s seen his mother and his father and his several dead-but-not-really-dead cousins.

In this life, they are happy to see him alive and have come to pay their well-wishes. They talk about themselves and they let it slip that the current Hokage is _Namikaze Minato._ He seems disoriented and startled. They hold him down and say that it’s just the hospital drugs infecting his behaviour.

And they leave him to rest.

His mother leaves last. She sits by his bedside, strokes his forehead and calls him _‘Ita-chan_ ’ like she used to call him when he was five. She has grey-lines streaking her black hair and her eyes are soft and full of pain. He reads her eyes. And he wants to tell her to stop looking at him like she is about to cry. 

His father is stern, and tells him that he needs to take better care of himself. And, Itachi mentally mimicks his father’s tone, _don’t repeat this sort of mishap again_. _Uchihas don’t make mistakes. Uchihas are efficient and perfect._

Nothing new about that. 

Somewhere along the line, Itachi muses. His body got swapped with _this_ world’s Itachi. In some kind of twisted afterthought, its sort of comforting to have things  _similar_ to what he's used to. 

Perhaps the Itachi of _this_ world who shares his name, his age, his life in another dimension was dead when he used his Amaterasu on that Haruno woman. And his soul got transferred. But that makes no sense. That Haruno woman must have done something.

The Itachi in the cracked mirror stares back at him. It reflects _two_ spinning mangekyou staring back at him. This Itachi's face here is smoother. He looks cleaner. His eyes are less filmy and he can actually see. He pulls down an eye-lid. Has this Itachi achieved the mangekyo as well?

Does that mean someone he loved in _this_ dimension has died?

If the Haruno woman did something, was it a genjutsu?

He doesn’t know anything.

But he knows one thing.

Genjutsu— _no_ elaborate genjutsu could fool the sharingan. The sharingan looked into the mind. It reflected the soul, his broken, grieving soul. He lets go of his eye-lid and his mangekyo pin-wheels spin around madly. 

Then he hears a tap on the window.

He looks up.

The window latch is unlocked.

And Uchiha Shisui stands there, peeling off his ANBU mask and looking at him in _utmost_ horror.

“Itachi— _your_ eyes!”

.

.

.

“I see.” Minato glances over at Sakura. “I’ll be awaiting a report on my desk tomorrow.”

Obito steps back and so does Sasuke after they finish delivering the report. They _all_ seem to be glancing at her. She’s bruised and leaning on Naruto.

“I’ll er…take her to the hospital.” Naruto says. He snakes an arm around her waist and supports her. 

“That would be wise.” Minato says. “Get better soon, Sakura-chan. Don’t worry about your mission report.”

He refers to her as _Sakura-chan_. This Sakura has probably earned some sort of respect with the high-ranking members of Konoha enough to be on  _first_ name basis with the Hokage. She’s not a stranger to this but she’s not used to long-dead shinobi being friendly with her.  

Or maybe its because she's on the same team with Naruto and Sasuke. What else is new? 

There are nothing pleasant about her dreams of a life where everyone's alive. She once wished for something like this. But everything was disillusioned and painted in shades of gray for her. This is  _not_ her dream, she reminds herself for the umpteenth time. This is a farce.  The Uchiha's doing.  And Itachi Uchiha was a menace right until the bitter end. 

“Also Sasuke—” Minato turns to Sasuke. “Your brother is in the hospital.”

Sasuke stiffens. Obito frowns.

“You might want to go see him as soon as possible. He’s been out of danger for _exactly_ twenty hours.” Minato continues. “He’s recuperating right now.” He added with a smile. “You might want to reconvene with your family.”

And before he can say dismissed. Sasuke bows and leaves. Sakura watches him and hobbles after him with Naruto. His brother was out of danger for exactly twenty hours, and that strikes her as odd. 

And that’s _exactly_ the same time she’s been in this dimension. It's  _definitely_ the Uchiha's doing. And she _will_ get her answers. 

“Easy does it Sakura-chan!”

Obito watches the two of them, hands in his pockets and follows them. 

.

.

.

“How did you—”

Itachi stares at him blankly.

“Who?!” Shisui begins. He takes a step.

 _You_. _You_ from another life is the most obvious answer. You could fool any idiot about the sharingan, tell them that you could raise the dead, tell them that it’s bloody-red because it’s the blood of the men who’ve died in his genjutsu (that’s what he entertained Hidan with) or some other idiotic excuse.

“ _How_?”

But you couldn’t fool an Uchiha himself.

So Itachi settles for an honest answer.

“I don’t know.” He replies, sounding shakier and _more_ foreign than he remembers. Shisui’s face hardens into fury.

“Itachi you know what this means right?”

“No.” Itachi replies. “I don’t.”

“The elders have been plotting to make you clan-leader and one of the rituals for that is the death of a loved one.” And then he adds, “So you can attain the mangekyo!”

He’s forgotten how morbid his clan can be. Another reason to believe that this not a dream. 

“Ah.”

“ _This_ is insane.” Shisui’s then trying to put one and two together. The sum of his math is undoubtedly all wrong. “Y- _you’ve_ done it?” And this _his_ mangekyo spins and he glares at Itachi. 

One second he’s by the billowing curtains.

And then Itachi finds himself eye-to-eye with Shisui, raised up and  _r_ _ipped_ off his bed. The wires around him jangle, the IV drip sways and the blankets slide off and Shisui’s fist is curled around the hospital robe as he spoke, lowly and angrily. He feels jolting pain run up his spine.

“ _Who_ did you kill?”

The wires are setting off beeping, erratic beeping and the nurses rush in. They are trying to peel him off Itachi. Itachi just remains pinned against the bars of his hospital bed there, numb, like a corpse and doesn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know.” He winces but maintains his calm. Shisui moves from him and is taken out by the nurses. His eyes never leave Itachi. 

And Itachi just hopes it isn’t Sasuke.


	6. F for Flesh and blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters! This is actually surprisingly fun to write even though I should be focused on ten billion other things. As usual unbeta'd and will come back to edit!

**F for Flesh and Blood**

 

“See you tomorrow, Sakura-chan!” Naruto gives her a hug. “I’ll check on teme and his brother! I’ll be back tomorrow okay?”

“I hope they are okay.” She says.

“Me too. Sleep well!” He says and turns his heel and is out of the hospital room.

Sakura is left alone to her thoughts.

She gets into conversation with one of the nurses. This is what they tell her.

In this world, Tsunade isn’t in charge of the Konoha General Hospital. It is half the hospital which Tsunade raised from the ground and rebuilt after Pein's attack on Konoha. They function adequately on limited funding because the Hokage doesn’t think it important for the hospital like Tsunade did, despite the continuous prompting. They still function though, the nurse tells her. 

Once the night nurse drops by to check in on her, Sakura pretends to be asleep. When the nurse leaves, she sits up, memorizing the patterns of the nurses taking their daily rounds.

And at 12:20 am they all return to the nurse’s lounge for their break.

She leaves.

**.**

**.**

**.**

It isn’t Sasuke and Itachi can rest easy for that.

Sasuke rushes into his hospital room trying to get an explanation for Itachi’s state. Itachi doesn’t know how to respond and Obito Uchiha blames the drugs. They all blame the drugs that he is being sedated with. He’s thankful to the drugs for being the excuse.

When Itachi first saw Obito, he wanted to rip out the man’s trachea out. But then Obito, Naruto-kun and Sasuke are kicked out by a nurse for being too loud. 

But instead of resting, he lies on his side, looks outside the window at the sparkling night sky and thinks to himself of _all_ the possibilities that could have led to this moment. No _genjutsu_ can fool an Uchiha’s eyes. Which means this is probably rea—

He pauses in thought.

“Do not make the mistake of thinking that I am unarmed.” He says out loud. He reaches for the kunai he’s taken from a cousin during the day.

He twists around to look at her. She’s leaning against the door-frame. The light from the passage illuminating a different woman with longer hair and glowing green eyes. But it's her. She looks much more composed, yet her anger doesn’t suit this Sakura. Then she walks in and she pulls the door to a close.

“Haruno.” He says.

“Uchiha.” She replies curtly. Her fingers bleed into a chakra scalpel. “But do you know who I _really_ am? The woman you killed.”  

“You are too blunt.” He observes. “I could have not _known_ who you were and you would still ask me incriminating questions.”

“I serve one of the most hot-blooded women in the world.” Sakura shrugged. “I get the job done faster through asking and threatening. Let me get to the point.” She points to her forehead. “I had a Yin seal here.” And she pulls down her hospital robe collar and points to the clean flesh above her left breast. “And a sealing tattoo here.”

“Containing my brother’s sword.” He narrows his eyes.

“Yes.” She confirms, letting go of the strap of her hospital gown. Her chakra blade fades away. He puts his kunai down. 

“And where are we?” He asks her. “What have you done?”

“I was about to ask you the same question.” She licks her lips. “What _other_ tricks do you have under your sleeve. I was about to _weasel_ it out of you.”

“Nothing more than you’ve seen.” He replies. “Unless you intend to kill me here in this alternate universe where our lives aren’t so cruelly intertwined with each other.”

“You are useless dead.” She shrugs. “If I’m stuck here in this _alternate_ universe, then I can’t go about acting out the same way I did. Like killing you. Your entire _living_ clan would have me and my bloodline exterminated. And then if this Sakura returns and I get _back_ one day—”

“There is no getting back.” Itachi tells her. He tries to sound mournful. It comes off as convinced. He doesn’t know a lot but he’s convinced in this fact. “We’re dead in that world. Amaterasu will have burned your body off.” He watches as her confident expression crumbles and her hands dropped to her sides. “Sorry.” He adds.

“I…” She falters. “That’s fine too. Any place that’s not here with you is a better place for me. I just don’t want to live in this life where I have to smile while a murderer like you lives.”

She’s blunt. And it hurts him because that’s not the truth.

“I was the one who revealed Madara’s location to Konoha.”

“Yeah so? War makes enemies, friends.”

“I was the one who killed him.”

“Good riddance.” She bites. “The trash takes itself out.”

“I’m the reason you had a normal childhood.” He continues with a twitch of his cheek muscles.

“Pining after your brother who wanted to see his older brother dead more than living?” Sakura asked him. “Who wanted to kill Naruto? What kind of _normal_ is that? Sasuke fucked me up because he was _fucked_ up himself. And you were the fucked up one all along.”

“I could tell you all the reasons and all the things you don’t know.” He says patiently. “But if you’d listen.”

“I’m tired of listening.” She says. “I’m scared you’ll feed me with the same story you bought Tsunade and Jiraiya in with. They wouldn’t let me confront you but they’d leave me to work in the medical camps. Sit still, Sakura. Don’t a _sk questions,_ Sakura. Don’t do _anything_ , Sakura. Did they not think I would snap? Do you think I will believe you easily even if I _wanted_?”

Her voice shakes. He takes a deep breath. 

“I can only tell you the truth. Cold, hard, practical truth.” Itachi says calmly. “I’m not going to defend myself. You can come up with your own conclusions.”

She leans against the wall, folding her arms like she is holding her heart.

“I refuse to see you as the good guy after all’s said and done. I can give your motives the benefit of doubt. But I can’t erase your actions.” She says.

“That’s precisely what I want.” He says.  


	7. G for gods and murderers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the next chapter! Edits in progress as well.  
> You know, Blood Circulator is a really good song for Naruto. Give it a try!  
> Asian Kung-fu Generation - Blood Circulator

**G for gods and murderers**

And he tells her the truth of the Uchiha Massacre.

“Even children?” She asks him, incredulously. “You’d _even_ take out children.”

“This is the way war works.” He says. “Look at how much damage Sasuke has caused when he learned of the truth. Have you ever wondered why he went after Danzo? Why he never returned even after he “killed” me?”

“Because he knew the truth.” She says.

“Because he knows the truth.” He repeats. “Uchiha men and women are, and have been like that. We have filth, revenge, power, and all sorts of traitorous ways that went against the Leaf’s constitution. It runs in our blood. We’re a warring clan. There is no compromise. It’s _either_ the village or the clan.” His eyes gleamed.

“And if you separated from the village?”

“They wanted the seat of power. My father did. It goes all the way back to the founding of the village.”

Sakura sighs.

“I have no say in any of this.” She says, averting her eyes. “I come from a simple clanless background of merchants who took refuge in Konoha because of the Third Shinobi war. I signed up for my death when I chose the shinobi life. My parents didn’t.”

Her parents died in the war started by his clan-members.

“Does this change your affections for Sasuke?” He asks her. “Did you dream of marrying him with all of his…darkness? Being the mother to his _children_ who possess a cursed bloodline?”

She shoots back another question.

“Would you kill him?” She says. “Like you killed your _own_ mother.”

“I…could never.”

“Why?” She asks him. Her gaze is unwavering. “Why? You’d kill your own mother in cold blood.”

“You speak of things like we are gods dealing judgement.” He says feeling agitated. “I am not a god. I am a murderer. I merely had to kill my clan because they would have burned Konoha to the ground. I am a tool—”

“Stop the bullshit.” She waves him off. “The question is very simple. Did you love Sasuke?”

“ _More_ than I could breathe.” He says.

It’s harder to admit than saying he’s a murderer, he realizes. She notices it. So she is silent. There is a pronounced silence between the two of them before he adds.  

“So much that I was blinded, _literally_ , from seeing that final blow you inflicted on me.”

.

.

.

When Obito finds Shisui, the boy is behind bars in a cell of the Uchiha Police force station.

“Shisui.” He says, pulling out a key and unlocking the cell door. “Fancy telling me how you got into this situation?”

He’s leaning back against the wall and throwing a crumpled paper ball up, then he catches it. His prison sentence is temporary— _till_ he explains himself to the elders at dawn. Obito pushes the cell door in.

“So how did it happen?” He asks Shisui. “Why is Itachi, _the_ great Itachi Uchiha in the hospital? And why are you in prison?”

Shisui looks up at him.

“I don’t know. I just arrived home from my mission when someone told me he was in the hospital.”

“And you attacked him because?”

He throws it up and catches it again.

“He has the mangekyo.” He tells Obito. “You know what that means, right?”

Obito doesn’t say a word. He stills. Shisui doesn’t see his look in the dark of the cellar.

“He’s going to be clan-head.” Shisui says. “And the elders haven’t _ceased_ with that stupid practice of attaining the mangekyo, you know, through killing.”

“Who is dead?” Obito asks.

“I don’t know.” Shisui replies bitterly. He gestures around at his underground cell. “I’m _locked_ up. The fuck could I figure out in here? Besides what the hell do I know? Does he have a lover out of the clan who he developed affections for? A _friend_? I’m just pissed because he said he would _change_ things around here.”

“Is there any other way of getting the mangekyo?” Shisui asks him then. He glares at the ball of paper and flings it at the wall.

“I don’t know.” Obito says. His eyes glint in the cold moonlight from the little window over Shisui’s cellar. “I don’t know.”

.

.

.

“So we’re stuck.” Sakura says. She leans against the window. The view from Itachi’s window overlooks the forests. The forests look haunted and dark at night and they rustle in the night breeze. Everything feels so unnatural to her that it gives her goosebumps. “And the owners of these bodies aren’t alive.”

“I assume that the occupants in these bodies were dying at the time we were swapped in. Or dead.” Itachi suggests. “Dimension-travel.”

“To avoid a paradox.” Sakura says.

“Precisely.”

And neither of them spoke about who. They could blame each other. But neither of them knew how to pin the other. One of them had to admit it, eventually.

“We have to first figure out how to fit into the routine of this world.” He says. “And cause minimal damage.”

“We’re lying to them.” Sakura rolls her eyes. “This world’s Sakura is _dead_.”

“Better _this_ than the repercussions, Haruno.” Itachi says testily. “Do you have any other ideas?”

Sasuke, she noted in afterthought, barely spoke to her once he found out that she was okay. And perhaps _that_ was the extent of his relationship with her in this world.

She fingers her hair.

It feels strange, this long hair. But it looks better on her than her short hair did. It makes her feel like the twelve year old genin who grew it out for Sasuke-kun’s sake. She doesn’t mind it but it would take a while to get used to. 

She liked short hair. This Sakura grew it out. She died fighting Itachi Uchiha. This Sakura died to a swarm of bandits—or so _that’s_ what Naruto told her. All of this and the way _this_ world’s Sakura would behave around people would take a while to get used to. She just hopes her mild Amnesia excuse lasts long enough to figure it all out. 

“No.” She says fingering the ends of her silky strands. “For _now_  , I’ll play along.”


	8. H for Hard time forgiving, even harder forgetting

“So did you try to kill the Uchiha heir?” One of the elders begins. He’s bound in chains, Fugaku Uchiha is seated beside him. His family is on the other end of the room. His grandfather, Kagami, looks utterly disappointed at him.

“No.” Shisui says. “It was a slip of my wrist.”

“ _Insolence_.” One of the elders mutter.

The rest of the witnesses for his trial are looking at him blankly.

“A _slip_ of a wrist?”

“I lost control of myself.”

“Over what?” The elder asks him.

Shisui waits. Fugaku is watching him like a hawk. He was never _born_ into the head-family but they are all aware of the power he posseses in his hands. And that’s why Shisui knows that they _can’t_ do anything to him even if they wanted to.

“Over an argument.” He shrugs. “We are close.”

“The heir was recovering from a bad mission.”

“I’m aware.” Shisui says. His tone is unchanged. His face is blank. “Itachi and I get uh, _very_ heated into debates about the clan.”

The air in the room changes. Suddenly Fugaku has this look in his eyes. And Shisui knows he’s entered _very_ dangerous territory by admitting how close.

“You are a bad influence upon Itachi.” The elders begin.

“I’m just his friend.” Shisui continues. “We discuss whether or not the local clan bakery should carry melon bread.”

“ _The_ two of you got into an _argument_ about _melon_ bread?” One of the elders repeats.

“I didn’t say that.” Shisui shrugs. “You did.” He adds cheekily.

“Insolence.” The other one repeats louder. Shisui stills. 

But he gives them half-truths with a wry smile for the rest of the interrogation. Because full-truths are incriminating. The longer he drags this on, the _less_ likely they are to doll out judgement. There is no law. There is only the elders. This is what Obito told him. This is how Obito got away with a lot of crimes against the clan, by sweet talking his way to the top. The thing is, as a mangekyo user, Shisui was immune to their judgment. They valued power. They _valued_ him.

It drags. 

“ _Sorry_.” He finally says. “Were you expecting something _dramatic_ , honorable elder?”

“Doll out the judgement.” The elders says. He sounds like he was ready to drag a wrinkly, palm over his face. “Put him in his place.”

“You are to keep away from Itachi Uchiha. This is a restraining order.” The other one says. “We will not allow you to poison him with your insolence.”

“Is that clear?”

“Yeah.” Shisui shrugs. He’s not too keen on seeing Itachi again for a while, either. Easy come, easy go. “ _Crystal_.” He adds. 

And he watches as Fugaku, a man who once regarded him as his third son, walks past him and out of the room.  The crowd of witnesses leave the room. There are murmurs of discontent surrounding him as he is unlocked from the prisoner’s chair. He decides to go train, maybe drag Obito out for a spar. 

Cause y'know, birds of a feather flock together. 

.

.

.

 _Shisui Uchiha_. Sakura’s eyes scan the bingo book. _Obito Uchiha._ She flips the page. _Itachi Uchiha_. And literally ten pages backward, including a Hyuuga— _Neji_ Hyuuga she sees Hatake. It’s an old picture of Kakashi-sensei. He’s never shown her pictures of his younger self but she's not fooled.

There are no Hatakes left in the village. 

It’s him, or a _spitting_ image of younger, and angrier Kakashi. In this world, he doesn’t have a scar over his right eye. But it’s an old image. And he’s missing, considered dead until found alive. People _don’t_ know if he’s alive. He was missing for roughly twenty one years. That’s long enough to be dead, she thinks. Unless someone kept adding his description to the bingo book.

That’s a long time, she thinks, to be holding onto false hope.

She flips the page before she’s assaulted with more thoughts. In this world, she doesn’t make the ranks of the Bingo Book as that dangerous kunoichi who could decimate the landscape in a single blow— _potentially changing the tides of battle_.

She flips to the page of her Shishou and smiled.

_Some things never change, do they?_

In this life, Tsunade Senju never returns. She can be found gambling, drinking, and demonstrating her pathetic luck all over the continent. The _legendary_ loser, the paragraph added, can be _exceedingly_ violent upon losing. A sore loser through and through. 

She takes a bite out of her spiced chicken and laughs to memories of winning bets against her mentor. 

.

.

.

“I heard about Shisui.” Sasuke tells him.

“Ah.” Itachi nods as he peels himself an apple. Sasuke sits beside him and talks of his day. Sasuke in this life is less vengeful and for that Itachi’s heart warms and twists.

It’s a paradox. He was so adamant about of living like this. Yet her words come back to him, of _how they are living inside corpses_. He’s not stable. She’s not either—he reminds himself. But both of them have the sanity to admit it and separate their past from their present.

“Is it true that he tried to attack you?” Sasuke asks him.

“I wouldn’t blame him.” Itachi says dryly. “And neither should you, that’s that.” Once upon a time. This much would have been enough for Sasuke to shut up.

“Why?” Sasuke narrows his eyes at him.

He forgets that Sasuke is no longer that seven year old. He forgets that Sasuke was raised by the clan. He also forgets that he’s also a clan-heir should anything happen to Itachi.

“We got into an argument.” Itachi tells him.

“Over what?” Sasuke asks. “The two of you _never_ fight.” He says. “And— _and_ you both have been as thick as thieves as far as I could remember.” He adds.

“Friends fight.” Itachi says, with a tremendous urge to flick the boy’s head. “Don’t you and Naruto fight?”

“The dobe is a different story.” Sasuke huffs. “He is perpetually doomed to conflict with my existence.”  

“Have I ever asked you about your team?” Itachi asks him, ignoring Sasuke jab, like it wasn’t horrifically true. And as if he didn’t, _once_ upon a time, ask Sasuke to kill his best friend to succumb to the curse.

“No.” Sasuke slides his eyes over to him. “Why do you want to know?”

“I’m just curious.” Itachi says, reaches. “I don’t think we talk much about your team.”

And to his surprise, he’s right. Sasuke doesn’t confirm it or say anything about it. He shrugs.

“What do you want to know.”

“Who is on your team?” Itachi asks him.

“Namikaze Naruto, the Hokage’s son and a girl called Haruno Sakura, Obito.” Sasuke responds. “But you know Naruto because he tends to come over a lot. You know Obito. You don’t know Sakura.” Sasuke muses out loud. “Do you want to know about her?”

“What’s your relationship with her like?” Itachi teases.

Sasuke gives him a droll look.

“I’m just asking because I would like to know how you fare on terms of team-work.” Itachi raises an eyebrow at him.

“She’s alright.” Sasuke shrugs. “We dated at one point but that was when we were fifteen. But she told me once that she didn’t want to _marry_ into our ‘oppressive clan’. I think she had a run in with some of the girls in the clan. We haven’t been the same since then.”

 _Smart_ girl. “Why?” Itachi asks.

“Dunno.” Sasuke shifts his eyes over to him. “At the time, when we were fifteen, I think I pushed her a little over the edge with all the overprotectiveness. It was affecting our missions. At first she thought it was cute— _then_ I have no idea what happened. Whatever, its not like we were in love. She just loved my face.”

Sasuke doesn’t talk _too_ much about girls. Sasuke doesn’t talk about relationships either unless Haruno Sakura left him reeling with her comments about Sasuke’s _oppressive Uchiha clan_ , Itachi deduces. Or maybe it was the appearance issue. But what strikes Itachi as the saddest thing is that neither of them would get a second chance to clear that up.

“Does she have a lot of friends?” He exhales. 

“Just one I think?” Sasuke says. “A Yamanaka. Apart from that she keeps to herself because she’s always got someone or the other who wants to ask her out. Naruto’s always close to her too. And she’s popular ‘mong the guys in the village.”

He wonders how Haruno would feel about her history with this Sasuke.

“Interesting.” He says, his mind shifting to _other_ questions he could ask Sasuke.

“Yeah.” Sasuke shifts his gaze to the wall.

.

.

.

Sakura had a few uneventful days at the hospital.

She learned a lot. First things first, her parents were alive. Falling back into a dynamic with them was easy even though her mother had an uneasy look on her face. She always had a strained relationship with her parents. She didn’t know what _this_ Sakura did to further that.

They were civil. She could be civil. She could handle that.

A _lot_ of people were alive, she thinks dryly. And surprisingly they were better to deal with when they were dead. She was just overwhelmed.

What overwhelmed Sakura the most _was_ an _actual_ meet up with Naruto’s mom. Kushina had kept the keys to her apartment. Naruto described his mom like _fire_ and sweet things and “she has this little verbal tic at the end of her sentences” and she “has the worst temper ever _datteybayoo!”_

And Sakura’s heart breaks.

He was a _spitting_ image of his mother.

“Uh…” She pauses. “Nice to meet you Uzu— _Namikaze_ -san.” She stutters. His mother _literally_ lunged for her.

“You look so pale!” Kushina hollers. “Naruto told me you _almost_ died!” She tightens her hold on her.

Dead, Sakura corrected mentally. She felt like she had slithered into someone’s skin, someone’s life and all she had was a pathetic load of depressive parallels.

“Don’t do that _ever_ again!” She said. Sakura patted her shoulder and couldn’t get a word in edge-wise. “Promise me you won’t do something stupid like that, _dattebane!_ ”

“I’m sorry.” Sakura tells her. Her voice trailing into a genjutsu as it permeates through Kushina's brain. Kushina stills for a second before continuing. In the genjutsu, Kushina keeps babbling as Sakura locks her in a conversation. And In this life, Sakura can finally confirm that Kushina remains the jinchuuriki. Not Naruto. 

Sakura’s genjutsu seeps beneath her skin as she probes Kushina’s chakra flow, erratic, _quick_ and converging on the center of her stomach. Kushina barely registers the mix, the medical ninjutsu-based genjutsu invading her system. 

She closes her eyes in meditation, navigating passages of rushing water, cages, a ghosting past the single seal and several bars where there’s are two _yellow_ , narrowed eyes—it bares its teeth at her. He can't harm her. She's a fragment of her soul and equally harmless to him. He knows it. She’s done this before with Naruto as she held his hand as he died. Too bad, the Kyuubi was ripped from his soul. 

It’s terrifying, she thinks, gazing up at the monstrous being who regards her with curiosity. This is her first time seeing it in its entirety. 

“ _Kyuubi._ ” She says. 

It bares it’s teeth at her as if assessing her general worth. “ _You are not the woman_.”

“ _I am not._ ” Sakura confirms.

“ _You are also not from this world._ ” Kurama rumbles.

“ _Also correct._ ” Sakura continues. “ _I wonder if you know  why_.” She looks around her at the water-logged cage and runs a hand through her hair. “ _Given how time is standing still here. I would like to know how to get out._ ”

 _“So would I_.” It says moodily. “ _I would also love to get out and ravage that pathetic village for caging me in. But we all can’t get whatever we want, right?_ ”

“ _Can you tell me_ anything _?”_ Sakura asks. _“Please_?” She adds.

Then it grins.

" _There is something different about you girl._ " He snickers. " _And I'm not referring to the fact that you are not from this world. You've...altered your_ soul _."_

Sakura say nothing. 

“ _One like you came_.” He adds then. _“He was an_ Uchiha _fool_.”

She stiffens. Madara? Itachi? _Obito_? No, it’s not possible…he’s _not_ the same criminal she knows. Her eyes widen. 

“ _What was his name?”_ She demands stepping forward. Her first and last mistake.  

Kurama is a spiteful and prideful beast. He grins first. And then he roars. His _roars_ shake the bars of the cage and ripple powerfully over the water. That’s how her powerful yet feeble strand of genjutsu looses hold over Kushina and she jolts backwards.

 _"Fuck_."

The world clears and she’s looking into Kushina’s gray, worried eyes. She pulls away.

“Sakura-chan?”

Kushina pulls away. She looks slightly dizzy but overall oblivious.

“Mhmm?” She tries to regain her position as the Kyuubi's laugh echo through her brain. 

“Are you staying for dinner?”

“No.” Sakura says shakily. “No, sorry Namikaze-san.”

“Awhh.” Kushina pouts. She throws Sakura her house keys. “Hope you get settled in. You are always welcome home here anytime, you know?”

She nods and leaves hurriedly with more questions than answers. She doesn’t catch Kushina’s suspicious and disconcerted glance in her way.

 


End file.
